Before I talk about her, let me just say that Jake FINALLY bought me a nice engagement ring, 7 years into this mess. It's a pretty little 1/4 carat number. A hand model I shall never be, but here's the little beaut:
Anywho, to Minnie. Apparently Jake severely pissed her off lately and she has been making life hell ever since. She fell a little while ago, and that (as well as her eternal passive aggressive behavior and general attitude on life) has really made us question allowing her to continue babysitting our children. We had discussed how to best go about changing that with the therapist, and I thought we had a plan in mind, but he just went ahead and took the kids to his mom's one day without really talking to Minnie. Next thing I know she's calling me in her room to talk (ME-not the offender, she didn't say a single word to Jake) and asked, "What have I done?" Then she started with the crying and the pity trip. I just walked out of the room-I didn't give her the ego stroke she was so desperately craving. I did NOT engage-and I'm proud of myself for that. I still don't like the way it was handled, but there's no changing that now.
Ever since, Minnie has been storming around the house and slamming her cane against anything possible. She constantly mutters under her breath and makes comments about what an asshole Jake is. Tonight, I got off the phone with her and told her it was because I was calling him, and she got all smart-assed and asked me why and pissed me off. Right now she's mad at me because my youngest son is in the corner and she's in a hurry to wash dishes so she's mad. Plus she's mad that I'm trying to discipline my children...she just yells at them all day.
I don't know what to do about her. I'm going to bring it up tomorrow when Jake and I go to counseling. I can't handle her. She's bitter, rude, and downright mean. I have enough stress at home plus I'm trying to raise a family and then I have to deal with little miss whiny pants. I just don't have the patience for her anymore. She's created herself a kind of alternate universe-she tells her version of events (which are NOT in ANY way based in reality) and wholeheartedly BELIEVES them. She calls people mean, terrible names and talks all kinds of shit about them behind their backs. She CANNOT and WILL NOT EVER admit any kind of wrongdoing. If you try to suggest changes-even gently delivered suggestions for the slightest of changes-she throws her damn martyr fits.
In short, she makes me crazy. She's ruining the attitudes of my children and wrecking my not-marriage. I don't know how to deal with this anymore. I'm just...done. I've recognized that she's a lost cause and I GIVE UP ON HER. Took me 25 years to say that/come to that conclusion, but there it is. There's an anger inside of me that just seems to keep growing, and I find that I'm unable to take it out on her, to unleash the fury at its much-deserved target. Instead, it stays inside me, boiling and steaming up the place. It overruns sometimes and attacks innocent bystanders, and I have to stop it before it explodes and takes me down with it.
I'm anxious to speak with the therapist tomorrow. I've kept a journal since 3rd grade and only stopped writing in recent years, when I didn't even want to admit my feelings on paper. I have to get back to this, to get my feelings out there, even if it is on the internet.
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